Maybe it was too soon?

So Thursday I started working again. I work 8 hours a day with no breaks and I'm standing the entire time. I worked the last three days and I don't recall ever being in this much pain before in my entire life. Not only that but being away from SeVynn for those 8 hours kills me. I wish I didn't have to go back. I have the next 4 days off before working for 4 days in a row. So the next 4 days I will be spending all my time with SeVynn because of how much I miss her. If my husband had a better job and got more hours I wouldn't go back, but realistically we can't afford for me to not have a job. I just wish I would've been able to wait a little longer then 17 days after having SeVynn to go back to work. And I wish I could have gotten a job that was a little easier then 8 hours of standing with no breaks what so ever. But I have to do whats best for my family. I have to put them first now which unfortunately means I wont always be able to do whats best for me. I'm a little worried about my body being able to handle all of this so soon tho. I really don't think its okay that I'm in as much pain as I'm in. I don't plan on telling my husband just how bad I'm really feeling tho because then he will just feel bad and I don't feel that he has any reason to feel bad. O well. I'm going to get some rest now before SeVynn wakes up.

Im So In Love

With being a mom! My daughter is 15 days old today. Today was her original due date but I'm so happy I got to meet her before today. The last 15 days with her have been amazing. She does the cutest things and she keeps me very busy. I'm getting barely any sleep and I have a really hard time getting things done but its totally worth it. I love spending time with her and holding her. Everything about my daughter amazes me. I knew being a mom would be nice but its way better then I ever could have imagined. Well I just had to brag about how much fun this has been for me. Ill write more when I have more to write about.

Dear Nick

So yesterday (4/14/10) was the 2 year anniversary of my brother Nicks death. I really miss him. Having my daughter here is probably all that kept me from losing my mind yesterday. She did a good job to keep me busy and it kept my mind off of what day it was. She's been doing that a lot....keeping me busy. That's why I haven't posted in a while. I never realized just how hard it would be to do simple things like check my email and post on here once she was born. The last week and half she's been here all I've been interested in is spending time with her and taking care of her. Anyways back to the original subject of this post. I want to post a letter. A letter to my brother. Some people may think its silly but it makes me feel better. Dear Nick, Hey big brother! How are things? How is Aiden? We miss you both so much. The last two years without you have been really hard. Ray has been taking really good care of me though. We got married on Jan 6th. And guess what else? We had a baby! She was born April 5th. We named her SeVynn. She is doing really well. I'm hoping Jessi bring Kolton down to meet her sometime soon. I haven't seen Kolton since before you had to leave but Jessi sends pics and we get to talk to him. He looks just like you. And from the phone calls I've realized he has your attitude as well. I can't wait to see him in person again. Tiff and Mom really miss you too. They just aren't as open with their emotions when it comes to you not being here anymore as I am. I thought I'd have more to say but I don't really feel like I have to tell you all of this because I know your watching over me everyday. So you already know everything I could possibly tell you. I guess things are just easier when I feel like I'm actually talking to you. Well I really miss you and love you. Aiden too. Give him kisses and tell him his Aunt loves him sooooo much.

SeVynn is here!!

I know, I know. The goal was once a day. I've failed a second time. However, I have a good reason this time too. This reason is way better then the last though. Wanna hear it?

So last time remember how I told yall they told me I was in labor as of Friday evening? Well Sunday night things go way worse. I was in so much pain I could barely stand up. So my mom took me to the hospital in our town to see if I was dilated enough to take the thirty minute drive to the hospital I was planning to deliver at. Turns out I was up to 3 cm but they didn't think it would be a good idea for me to drive to the other hospital. They wanted to send me home, but didn't want me to go to the other hospital. Well right as they were getting ready to discharge me my water broke! So they had to keep me. I was kind of upset that my doctor who I had grown a very strong trust for wasn't going to be the doctor to deliver my baby but I knew I had to stay and do what was safest for my babygirl.

Well they kept me all night and I continued to lose water all night. The whole family stayed at the hospital waiting for something to happen but around 7 am everyone was tired and I wasn't really progressing so they all left me and my husband to go get some sleep making us promise the second something changed that we would call. Well around 10 the midwife for the hospital I was at comes in and tells me that my water didn't break and that she had to send me home but I needed to call my doctor to see if he wanted to see me. So we hesitantly leave. At this point I'm beyond pissed because I had been in labor so long and it didn't seem like anyone wanted to help me. On the way home I call my doctor and he tells me I need to get to the hospital right away.

At this point my husband is so tired from staying up with me all weekend that he can barely drive another block so we go home and I call my mom and tell her I need her to take me up so my husband can get some rest. So my mom comes to get me and off to the hospital for a 3rd time we go. Well we get there and my doctor checks and my water did in fact break. My doctor was so mad that the other hospital discharged me. Turns out my water had been leaking but not fast enough to move things along. So he breaks the bag the rest of the way. We call my husband and tell him he needs to get there ASAP. Before he even really has time to have driven the distance between our house and the hospital he is there next to me. I'm progressing at a good rate and the doctor tells us it won't be much longer.

In my original birth plan I was going to do this without pain medication of any kind. But after a whole weekend of being in labor I really just couldn't handle anymore. After a long discussion with my husband and him reassuring me that it was okay for me to do it I got an epidural. This was around 3:30. For the next 2 hours I feel absolutely no pain. When the pain finally does start coming back I'm up to 8 cm and progressing very fast. At this point the waiting room is packed full of people waiting for my little girl to make her grand entrance. I'm not sure what time I had started pushing or for how long I pushed. I just know that it was fairly easy at first even though I felt EVERYTHING by this time. When it was time to get her head out things got pretty scary for me and my mom. My husband kept his cool and tried his hardest to keep me relaxed and breathing properly. Eventually the doctor decided we would have to use the suction thing to get her head out and when this happened I couldn't breathe between pushes because everytime I tried nothing came out but a very loud scream. It was so painful. I had to have an episiotomy but didn't even know until afterward when the doctor was sewing me up. I didn't tear at all though thank goodness.

Well at 6:27 my babygirl was finally out and once I seen her the pain didn't matter anymore. She was 5 pounds 9 ounces and 19 inches long. Even though she is so small the doctors say she is very healthy. We had a little bit of a problem with breast feeding and my milk isn't really coming in enough to satisfy her yet so we are having to feed her formula for now. Other then that everything is perfect. She only lost 4 ounces since birth which they said is completely fine. We came home this afternoon and I couldn't be happier. My husband is doing so good with her and is eager to learn all the things he needs to know. He doesn't have any prior experience with babies but if you seen him interact with SeVynn you'd never be able to tell. Our little family is complete. Well for now at least.

Here we are just about 20 minutes after she was born




SeVynn and her daddy



Doing all she knows how to right now



Time to go home!

Not even 3 posts in....

And I already failed at my goal of writing one post each day. However, I do have good reason. Friday morning at my doctors appointment I found out that I was 1 cm dilated. Well my doctor checking to see if I was dilated ended up giving me really painful contractions pretty much the rest of the day. I tried EVERYTHING. A glass of water and laying on my side, just relaxing and taking it easy. Well I finally got tired of doing nothing and my mom, younger sister, and my sisters dad (who is visiting this weekend from Arkansas) decided they wanted to go to Hu Hot for dinner. When Dave (my sisters dad) offered to pay for me to join them I couldn't turn it down! I love Hu Hot but don't get it often because its about 13 dollars a person for dinner. Anyways, I ended up going. Well our closest Hu Hot is in our closest mall which is in Manhattan about a 20-30 minute drive from where we live depending on traffic and whose driving. All through dinner I was having really bad pains again. The same pains that my doctor told me were contractions and back labor. After eating dinner we decided to go into the mall thinking maybe the walking would help to ease my pains. Haha. Boy were we wrong. It ended up making it about 10 times worse. Thank god I'm planning to deliver in Manhattan, because we were able to go up to the hospital there instead of having to drive back to Junction City. So we get to the hospital and the ER nurse takes like 10 minutes to even get to me then looks at me stupidly and asks, "Are you here with them?" (pointing at the family that she just helped before me)"Or do you need to be seen?" Well normally I wouldn't have expected her to know the answer without asking me but this time I was pretty much doubled over in pain partly standing partly crouched crying while my little sister is freaking out because Mom is still out parking the truck. I mean this lady works at a hospital. Can her common sense really be that rendered? Anyways, I look at her and say "I think I'm in labor". Boy does this get her attention.

So the after the ER receptionist gets my name and birth date they take me up to Labor and Delivery. They get me in a room and immediately check how dilated I am. Well now I'm at 2 cm and the l&d nurse could feel me contracting. So they hook me up to a monitor to keep track of SeVynn's heart rate and a monitor to keep track of the contractions. The nurse lets me know she will be back in an hour to check and see how far dilated I am and then hopefully we can get the ball rolling. So an hour passes and I'm still only 2 cm dilated. So the nurse tells me "Honey, your in labor. The pains you have been feeling are indeed contractions and I'm sure they are very painful. However, since it isn't Tuesday the only thing I can do for you is either keep you here and check you every hour or so while you lay here in pain and watch T.V. or I can send you home with instructions to take some Tylenol and a warm bath, eat a small snack, drink a big glass of water, and lay down in your own bed." At this point I'm starting to think these people are completely crazy. Then she explains to me that since I'm only 37 weeks and won't reach 38 weeks until Tuesday that she technically isn't aloud to do anything for me or to help speed up the process. So we go home.

Fast forward to right now. I am STILL having contractions. Really bad ones I may add. I was asleep FINALLY, but then my o so loving husband decided he was going to get loud with his friend on Modern Warfare which woke me up. I cant get comfortable now because my stupid legs have decided no matter how I lay they are going to go numb and start to hurt as well. So I'm very irritated at the moment. I kind of want to go up to the hospital but since they cant do anything for me unless I'm 4 cm OR 38 weeks I feel like it would end up just being a waste of gas and time. So I decided I would get on here and update my blog. Listening to my husband play his game is really making me want to get in on the action though and I'm pretty sure most people wont want to read much more then the long post I've already typed. So I'm going to pull the "you woke me up and now I wanna play too" card on my husband to get a turn at the game. =D

Finally

So after spending ALL day and most of last night looking for a cute template a fellow blogger from mombloggersclub.com directed me to an awesome site with really cute backgrounds. Special thanks to you Shanna! Check out her blog here.

First Post =D

Hello! So I recently attempted to start keeping a journal. That didn't work out to well. I felt like I was talking to myself and it just made me even crazier! So after talking with some online friends (pretty much the only kind of friends I have at the moment), I came to the conclusion that a blog may work for me. I attempted blogging in high school but for some reason never really had anything I felt was worth telling people.

Well now I realize that whether this blog actually gets read or not doesn't really matter. With my life changing so much so fast I need something to record everything and help to keep me sane. So to my possible readers, here is my first ever serious blog. My goal is to blog everyday at least once if not more. The fact that I can blog from my blackberry will make keeping that goal even easier. I plan to use this blog to record the random things that happen in my everyday life, the milestones my baby will reach when she gets here (19 days til due date!), the random funny things my husband and his friends bring to my attention, and well pretty much anything I feel like being reminded of on later days.

If I end up getting regular readers I will add new things to my blog to keep things interesting. If you are a regular reader then follow my blog so I know your there. If I say something you feel you want or possibly need to comment on then feel free. Don't worry about what you say (its your opinion after all), and I wont get whiny or throw a fit over it. If you happen to have advice for me on the new marriage or new baby I would love to hear it. If your reading this then thank you for taking the time to do so. If not, then I guess I must be crazy because I'm talking to myself. =D